Pandora's Box: 2014 and the Death of the Modern Relationship

Where did it all go wrong? It seemed like a good idea at the time. It was exclusive. You had to be an invited college and have a college e-mail address to have an account. Not everyone could join. There were no babies, pets, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins. It was by all means of the definition, a club. Then came the money. Oh, it's always the money.

Facebook has turned into a billion dollar empire thanks to some guys who were drunk and knew some code to create a website. Sound familiar? It should, because that's how most "good ideas" in the modern age have started. However, it has gone too far. Now I know that this blog entry will be posted on my personal Facebook page, and I get that there is a twinge of hypocrisy brewing in it all, but this is it for me. I'm out.

THE ROOT OF EVIL
Quick, without cheating, when is my birthday? Where am I living right now? What am I doing for work? Who am I in a relationship with and for how long? Do you EVEN care? My birthday, for those who didn't see it as a reminder on Facebook, was August 20th. My phone rang twice. It buzzed a few more times with text messages. I had several messages in my Facebook inbox because I disabled posts to my wall. There was effort, I will give everyone that, but how hard is it really to click on the app, have it tell you it was my birthday, and type out a short greeting?

Now, before you think I'm whining I want to highlight this point. Up until my birthday I was doing the same thing. I saw it was someone's birthday, typed a quick message and that was it. If they liked it, great, couldn't be too hard to touch the screen. If they commented, wow, same amount of effort I took to type it. It's convenient. It's quick and then it's over. Right now, I have a little over 300 "friends" on Facebook. I could tell you MAYBE when 15-20 of their birthdays are and that is a stretch. Try it yourself. My point behind it all is we have stopped caring far too much about life and what is going on in each other's lives and social media is to blame.

DEFINING FRIENDSHIPS
How often do you talk to your friends? For the sake of argument, throw texting out of the equation. How often do you pick up the phone and legitimately talk to your friends? Most would say it isn't often enough. I know I am lumped into that category. I see what they're doing by clicking a button. This day and age has allowed us all to keep up with where we eat, drink, sleep, fly to, and when the next generation of social media induced consumers will be joining the planet. Stunning, right? Take a gander at your timeline. Guaranteed there is someone who had an amazing meal, is at a bar or out with friends, on vacation somewhere, or pregnant.

Tonight I found out one of my closest friends is engaged and getting married next year. I got a text before it hit Facebook. Life is busy sometimes, and I know we'll talk soon, but we shouldn't find out about these types of things online. When did it become such a great idea to document nearly every moment of our lives on the internet?  This was my problem with Twitter (and the ultimate reason I decided to quit it on january 1st). Here I am nine months later coming to the same realization with Facebook. Friendships and relationships need work and they need it beyond the mashing of a few buttons on the touch screen.

I met my best friend towards the end of 2001. I didn't know he was my best friend at the time. It just sort of spiraled into it. To this day we may see each other a handful of times a year, and talk about once a month, but if something happened in life where the other one needed anything, we would drop whatever it is and make it happen. It's happened before and it will happen again. Friendships are those that have a lasting impression on your life. They're those that get lost in the shuffle of everyday chaos, but pick right back up whenever it is you get to talk again.

Facebook "friends" are for all intents and purposes, people we know. Some could fall into that definition of a friendship. Some are family, which should fall into that friendship definition as well but often does not. The majority, though, are people we have come across in life at one point or another and feel the need to stay connected to in the hopes they like the picture of the chicken alfredo we had for dinner last night.

I know there will be the folks who say they use it to post pictures of their kids so that they can stay in touch with family. It's a cop out. It's 2014. Start a texting group and share. My sister does it, so can you. Your children never asked for you to put their lives online for the world to see and just because your neighbor does it, it doesn't make it right. It all boils down to ease and convenience. I get that. One button and BOOM, Johnny is potty training and it already has 37 likes. If someone took a picture of you at your most vulnerable time, they would be considered a creep. Well guess what, you just joined that club.

THE SOLUTION
It's simple. Figure out who matters in your life and make sure you are a part of their LIFE, and not their online persona. I'd like to believe that not everyone airs every piece of dirty laundry they have online and that there are real struggles going on that most never find out about because it wasn't a status update.

The death of Robin Williams was tragic. What seemed to be one of the funniest and happiest men on the planet in the depths of depression. How many of his friends reached out just to say hello, to see how he was doing? How many people do you know that are going through a hard time? Sometimes people do air their troubles online because they don't have anyone who will pick up the phone and call them to see how they are. Let that sink in. That is sad beyond words, but there is a fix.

Here's my challenge to those who made it this far. Delete Twitter (unless you use it for work, and I get that) from your phone. Delete Facebook from your phone (I did earlier today) and don't worry; you can always download it again if you just can't handle the withdraw. When you have that urge to see what everyone is doing, connect with an old friend. It can start as texting, but try and have a conversation. I guarantee you'll learn more in a 10-15 minute phone call than you did the last year of scrolling through your Facebook feed reading random updates. If you want, send someone an e-mail. The art of writing is lost. If it's not 140 characters or less, we don't know what to do anymore. And lastly, disconnect from time to time. I recently read my post from when I was at Augusta last spring and they did not allow cell phones. It was truly a glorious day where I didn't worry once if anyone was posting earth shattering news online.

As I mentioned earlier, I'm out. My account will still be active. I'll log on occasionally to see if anyone has sent me a message through Facebook, but honestly that's it. My phone number is there. Give me a call, sometime.